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buzzed, B&W
So, my brother and I were on Instant Messenger last night, and I was telling him about how it seems like I'm going to do "the cycle." Now, the cycle is when you end up sort of losing a day, as you stay up really late, wake up late, and eventually, you've slept 9 times in 10 days or something. In reality you've haven't lost a day. In my case, I'm probably up more hours, because I'm pretty consistently sleeping 6-7 hours each time. It's basically like you're on an extended day, like a 28 hour day instead of a 24 hour day. (Note the term "the cycle" was dubbed by a mutual friend of ours, but I can't link to his webpage since I don't know the address anymore.)

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this post. It's more that my brother responded "so you're being a slacker" or something along those lines. And I realized he's right. I am slacking. I lack motivation of any sort. I told my family after I graduated high school I lacked motivation, and I went through the motions in college. Granted I did well in the classroom, and took a couple leadership roles, but nothing that pushed me. People say that you can seek out challenge, but I haven't ever really sought it out. Is keepin myself busy, so I don't have free time a challenge? I don't really think so. I'm so used to things working themselves out, w/o my having to work for them. My junior year of high school would be a good example. I bleh off my junior thesis (which counts for maybe a quarter or your grade for english and American history for the year). I got 500/1000 on both the progress checks, but I still somehow got a C on the these, and my class rank only dropped two places in the process.

So, now, here I am, a bum, living in my parents home. I'm not working, and I'm only sort of looking for a job. I keep expecting something to fall into my lap, as it has in the past. Looks like reality has caught up with me . . .

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The page you wanted a link to (http://whatidoforfun.tripod.com)

Slacker has nothing to do with having a job, or doing well at something. It has to do with having nothing to be passionate about. Nothing to devote your heart to. Having nothing to sacrifice for.

Find meaning in something.

Tony (http://www.aypwip.org)

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