November 10th, 2009

buzzed, B&W

Rejection (or Selectivity)

So, I got this as a pseudo-rejection from a girl I met online and have been chatting with:
We seem to have a decent enough raport online... I'll be very honest, and hopefully you won't take this the wrong way :( I have never actually hung out with someone who is asian... and I know it shouldn't matter, but I have all of these preconcieved notions in my head that are hard to get away from. I'm not racist or anything.... I just don't know.

At which point, I went on to explain no worries, and that I've been rejected for things much more arbritrary:

  • my hair is too long
  • my hair is too short
  • I'm too short
  • I'm too sarcastic

The list goes on and on.  I think the Asian one is pretty reasonable, considering cultural norms toward attractiveness.  I know I've expressed previously that I tend not to be attracted to Asians.  I'm not 100% sure why this is, but I'd guess that I didn't grow up around many other Asians, and the societal norms pushed at me do not tend to push Asian features.  As the Dove campaign highlights, beauty tends to be pretty subjective, highly influenced by the media, and considering I saw myself mainly as white growing up, it makes sense I'd be attracted to more traditional, Western ideas of beauty.

In fact, people should be selective.  As some recent dates reminded me, dating should be fun, not a chore.  Why bother with someone you're not really attracted to, when there are plenty of others that you're interested in to begin with?  Granted, this doesn't address the idea of growing to love someone, but I feel those relationships will evolve from friendships. 

I've had people express to me that they'll date a lot, because they're afraid the right one will get away without them ever knowing.  Ridiculous.  Absolutely ridiculous.  This is as dumb as Pascal's Wager, to which Richard Dawkin's responds:

Suppose we grant that there is indeed some small chance that God exists. Nevertheless, it could be said that you will lead a better, fuller life if you bet on his not existing, than if you bet on his existing and therefore squander your precious time on worshipping him, sacrificing to him, fighting and dying for him, etc
In other words, why waste your time on crappy options, instead of focusing on the positive?

This is a new stance for me, as there is definitely a part of me that's seen dating as work.  Finding a diamond in the rough.  Searching for a needle in a haystack.  None of these are things that elicit positive mental images.  Instead of this approach, I'm trying to see dating as fun, and I should only date those who I feel some attraction (physical, emotional, metaphysical, whatever) with to start. 

Life's too short, and bad dates eat up way too many hours.