buzzed, B&W

new digs

I've moved to!

I've been on LiveJournal since the navel-gazing days of blogging, even paying for a permanent account during one of the early pushes.  I remember running my own instance of one of their servers, back when it was open source.  I definitely write in fits and bursts, and I'm sure there's some embarrassing posts and thoughts, but I think that's to be expected considering 18+ years of posts.  Having been around so long, it feels like it's worth preserving the posts.

Picking was mainly since it seems like the best free option these days for a personal blog.  My currently reading The Year Without Pants likely influenced the decision as well.  I'd also recently assisted with moving the Montana Destination Imagination page from Drupal to Wordpress and had been pretty impressed with the software as well as the ecosystem.  The political bits about LiveJournal being owned by Russians and concerns over free-speech were also a factor.  

I'll still be a sporadic poster, with random thoughts and no cohesive theme to anything here.  Just a place to dump my thoughts.

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Portland and Protests

Truth is complicated. Memes and tweets serve as news for many today, and folks cherry pick their sources and the items they want to believe.

Portland is not in utter chaos, nor are the protests absolutely peaceful.

And as much as I hate this and realize how it's the exact thing I'm raving against, realizing that many won't read past the first few sentences, the TL;DR; is that the protests in Portland are predominantly peaceful with a handful of highly visible provacateurs that have grown an order of magnitude since the Feds escalated things (grabbing folks off the street and shooting them in the head)

For about the last two months, there have been nightly protests at the Multnomah County Justice Center numbering in the hundreds and taking up maybe a city block. Generally peaceful, but as the nights would start easing into the mornings, there were provacatuers in the crowd who would escalate, throwing things, shining laser pointers, modifying the fence, shooting off fireworks, etc. Eventually this would lead to the Portland Police Bureau declaring things a riot, and dispersing the crowd aggressively.

After the Feds grabbed people off the street, things escalated, with the protests growing from hundreds to thousands, spreading from a single block to a handful now, and the national attention again being drawn to Portland. The story hasn't changed much though - it's still peaceful protests, and as the night grows long, provocation leads to escalation, a riot is declared, and crowds are dispersed.

The national attention has resulted in two narratives, and you can see much of this divide by comparing the hashtags #portlandriots vs #portlandprotests.

Acts of violence by the provacateurs are not being hidden from people, it's that they are on the edges of the story. The media doesn't spend a ton of time on it since they only have minutes, if not seconds, of your attention span. I encourage everyone to remove their blinders and try to see more than the narrow tunnel of stories that appear in their social media feeds.

This post was motivated as I started seeing Dr. Roberts story circle back to me from when I originally saw it shared by his son-in-law/a friend of mine from my time in Reno. Most of the above is a rewrite of some of the comments/discussions I had as a result of that original post, before it blew up.

For context, I work ~6 blocks from the Justice Center. Many of the buildings along my walking commute are boarded up from months ago, covered with beautiful street art/graffiti murals, but the plywood is from the initial wave of protests 2 months ago, not the prolonged protesting at the Justice Center. Unless I walk 5 blocks or so, I would never know of the strife.
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Random Thoughts

Lots of time to listen to podcasts and think/process these days . . . a few items that have been percolating in my brain ...

Being a poet/imposter syndrome

I really like the Make Me Smart podcast (and adore co-hosts Molly Wood and Kai Ryssdal), and they end their regular episodes with   "What is something you thought you knew but you found out you were wrong about?", and the answer from an episode last month (starts at the 31 minute mark or so), and is by Kate Baer:

One thing I thought I knew was what it meant to be a poet.  I've been reading poetry my whole life, but I thought if you wanted to actually be a poet, you had to be a grad student, smoking a pipe in a haunted alley in France, so I stayed in my lane.  I wrote short stories, I wrote first-person narrative, I wrote whole novels.  I wrote anything but poetry, because I knew what a poet looked like.  I knew what she wore, what she ate, what she smelled like - pine needles and the earth bathed in the moonlight, probably.  And then Mary Oliver died in early 2019, and I started re-reading her work and picking up other poetry books written by all kinds of authors and I thought "why don't I just try it?"  It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be for anyone else, I have nothing to lose for trying.  As it turns out, you don't have to be a pipe smoking wanderer to write poetry.    In fact, you can live in the suburbs.  You can be a wife.  You can be a mother.  You can enjoy really unpoetic things like the Taco Bell drive thru.   And wow, it has been the best surprise.

This one resonated first as I thought about a co-worker who's a poet and the few times we've touched upon her writing. A second pass at it made me recognize that this was really just another take on imposter syndrome and it reminded me of a good tech specific presentation on this by Berlind Bergsdóttir at PNSQC a few years back.

Enthusiasm beating intelligence

Next up was 68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice by Kevin Kelly, as featured on Freakonomics Radio. The actual item from the list as written was "Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points"

Host Stephen Dubner and Kelly spend a bit of time discussing this, talking about how we want to hang out with enthusiastic people, and that enthusiasm leads to improvisation:

In improv, there’s this fantastic bit of advice that you always want to say not “no,” but you want to say “and.” You want to add into what someone had built before you and add onto it rather than kind of undermine it.

Definitely bumped on this one as a few years ago at work, we did this exact workshop during a team offsite, but it was done as "yes and ... ", which has resulted in some coworkers who seem to use the phrase "yes and ..." in very stilted manners, to the point where whenever someone now says "yes and ...", the connotation is effectively the same as the "but" that would have been used previously. The speakers seem to think it's a get-out-of-jail-free card; one that lets them ignore what was just said and add whatever they want.

The lack of enthusiasm of some of my coworkers when they use the phrase is obvious, and just makes it one more bit of useless business jargon.

Why America?

Lastly, I was listening to OPB's Think Out Loud, where they had an episode with Viet Than Nguyen (who's got some impressive credentials including a Pulitzer and being a MacArthur Fellow). While there are bits throughout that resonate with me, I was really drawn into his comments about the difference between the terms immigrants and refugees (question starts at the 26:45 mark). This is apparently a common theme in his work, as noted on Fresh Air with Terry Gross:
And the way that I think about it is that I have to insist all the time that I am not an immigrant and that I – the story that I’m telling in my novel is not an immigrant story. I’m a refugee and the story I’m telling is a war story because one of the ways that the United States tries to contain the meaning of these histories is to think that all of these Asians are here because they’re immigrants, and that their story begins once they get to the United States. But again, my understanding is that many of these Asians are here because of the consequences of wars. And many immigrant stories and refugee stories need to be understood as war stories.

This made me wonder about my father and his background. As far as I know, his parents came to the US, and all his siblings did as well, but they came separately, and I've never asked him what brought the whole family over, in bits and pieces. Nguyen talks about how his parents were reluctant to talk about much of their past, and I feel similarly about my dad, though I'm not sure why - for all I know, it's just because I've never asked. In any case, on my list to ask him about it tonight during our family Zoom session.

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Crazy Rich Asians

I had told myself earlier this week that I needed to go see Crazy Rich Asians during opening weekend, especially as I heard an interview from someone who went to one of the early screenings, and how there was something about them clicking with some of the experiences portrayed and feeling the commiseration in a theater dominated with Asians.  I even made an exception to my having to read the book before I see the adaptation rule.

First things first, it's just a solid rom-com.  There's lots of interesting sub-plots and fun characters, and many of the themes are universal - i.e. strong matriarchs, having to balance family and individual, respecting your cultural past vs. modern values, whether appearances matter, etc.

Even without being Chinese (or Singaporean), there were tons of bits that I feel did resonate with me more from being Asian-American: there's a tiny joke in the beginning about how to spell protagonist's Rachel Chus name (Choo, Chiu, Chew, Chu), which made me laugh as I thought about the various ways my last name can be romanized.  Nick being the first son and being told by his best friend that he could do no wrong reminded me of how Aimee keeps referring to me as the "favorite", and that no matter what I do, my parents won't get mad.  And no disrespect to my step-mother Angela, but there is more than a passing resemblence between her and Eleanor.

Definitely a movie I want to see again, especially with Leia, as I'm sure much of culture shock that Rachel experiences as she meets Nick's family is somewhat similar to her experience.  Even the bits of Michael and his attempts to maintain his identity while not being the breadwinner in the family hinted at what it might be like for me one day.
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TedXPortland 2018

I went to the local TEDx event yesterday. All day event, split over four sessions. The morning sessions were particularly impressive. Video doesn't look like it's online, but some quick notes:

  • Kevin Cavenaugh talked about the contrast between having enough and Friedman economics. He talked about reducing the CEO to employee pay gap, starting at his company of 5 where he's flattened the pay so everyone is equal, as well as giving each employee 0.27% equity in buildings for each year they're at the firm. He also talked about a housing project that he crowd funded, with 5 of the 11 single-residency occupancy (SRO, dorm-room style) rooms being reserved for Street Roots vendors. It's a rad example of the solidarity economy, and something I wish I had known about so I could have invested in it.

  • Colleen Yeager gave an impassioned talk about her experience as the mother of a 7-year old transgendered son, talking about how amazing kids are, e.g. "I always though Nora was a boy" and worrying about how there were now more boys than girls in the class as Nora was now Eli.

  • Tyrone Poole spoke about being a non-traditional tech entrepreneur and how his personal experience with being houseless has led to, which sounds like it's essentially a rental application clearinghouse. He talked about how even though he had qualified for a housing voucher, but he couldn't find a rental as he kept getting rejected due to things like a past eviction, debt, etc (he had ended up in the hospital/traction for 6 months due to an accident while training to be a firefighter). Definitely an inspiring story, and a reminder that tech is only part of the solution - the best ideas often come from non-tech folks.

  • Albert Chi and Johny Matheny talked about the Modular Prosthetic Limb, which is freaking incredible. As an engineer, it's rad to see so many disciplines coming together for this kind of work - prosthetic arms that folks can feel through, that individual fingers can be manipulated, etc. Gripe about military funding all you want, but even at $120 million dollars of DARPA funding, this kind of research is amazing. Looks like Chi has also done some other cool things like this 3d-printed prosthetic working with Enabling the Future

Excited to see the talks go online. Even though I was feeling super introverted yesterday, and sat alone, didn't interact with anyone, etc, it was a pretty amazing experience, and definitely one I'd like to do again.
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4 Days with a Dumb Phone

Lots of thoughts after 4 days using this phone.  Let's talk about the phone first:

  • The upper-left and upper-right keys are confusing.  Those two key caps actually cover two buttons each, with the top of the key being different from the bottom of the key.  This took me 3.5 days to figure out as I was wondering why sometimes I'd be going back in a menu vs. turning the phone off, struggled with hanging up on calls, navigating menus, etc.

  • The middle-button and directional-pad are hard to use. They make me really miss the Blackberry Curve and it's wonderful trackball.  The middle-button isn't recessed enough or the edges of the directional-pad are not raised enough, to the point where I end up misnavigating and mis-selecting all the time, often having to resort to using a nail to use the menu

  • It's crazy that there are not physical volume up and down buttons.  This was one of the best part about these old school flip and candy bar phones, that you could easily switch the ringer volume or turn on vibrate or whatever.  To switch the volume on this phone, I have to:
    • Press the middle button to power on the display
    • Press the middle button again to select Unlock
    • Press * to confirm the unlock
    • Press the down arrow three times to navigate to the settings icon
    • Press the middle button
    • Press the upper portion of the upper-left key
    • Press left or right to change the volume

  • The phone only has ~32 MB of storage available (out of 128 MB total).  I thought I was going to copy some music on to it before I realized this.  It does have a microSD card slot, but I haven't gotten around to trying it.

  • Battery life is good.  I haven't charge this thing since I got it, and it's still showing what looks like 1/3 the battery.  Unfortunately, I think the battery display only has 3 segments, so it's not really clear how much battery I have left.

  • The shame of the phone encourages me to fiddle with it.  Not quite a fidget spinner, but I do find myself turning it in my hand, running my fingertips over the keys, etc, and am reminded of first year design students in my undergrad having to shape pieces of wood to be emblematic objects.

So, what have I learned about my phone usage/behavior?  I'm still carrying my iPhone, using it for:

  • podcasts - this is mainly as I walk around town

  • pedometer (and location tracking) - I really like the data Moves gathers

  • Checking in - While I'm not checking in anywhere near as often as I did before, I do find myself checking if there's wifi and checking in via Swarm

After the first day or so, I realized the biggest difference for me was the lack of notifications.  I'm pretty sure when I go back to my iPhone, I'll be turning off most of the notifications, probably keeping only a selective few.  I still find myself reaching in my pocket and pulling out the dump phone, checking if there's any text messages or anything, as well as wanting something to fiddle with. 

I did finally figure out how to turn on predictve text, so that's helping, but it's amazing how hard it is to type out text messages.  I've found myself falling back to the iPhone and iMessage when I'm having longer conversations with Leia.  In fact, typing on the phone was so hard that I ended up actually just picking up the phone and calling Aimee when she was trying to text with me.

I do find myself a lot less distracted, but I also find moments of boredom.  I tend to eat out alone somewhat frequently, and it's amazing how long those time gaps between sitting down, ordering, and receiving your food can feel.  On the other hand, the shorter periods of time, like that ride on the elevator when I would have checked my phone for messages or what not, are much more relaxed with not having a smart phone to distract me, and I definitely find myself much more present.  When I went out for drinks earlier this week, I wasn't texting or checking my phone to see what was happening on Twitter or what not.  It's also made me much more aware of when other people are doing this.

I'm also having to improve my mental map of Portland.  When we went to ZooLights earlier this week, it was definitely nice that Leia had her phone and was able to use it for navigation.  I think I could have managed without it, but the traffic data and alternate routes was a definite nice to have.
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Dumb phone

So, I'm trying out using a "dumb" phone for a week, mainly to try and be more present and have less distractions in my life.

The phone I'm using is a Nokia 3310 3G, a phone that's trying to cash in on the nostalgia of the classic Nokia candybar phones.  I actually would rather have a simple flip phone, but apparently most of the flip phones on the market don't work with 3G networks.  I got the phone last week, and then had to give it another few days before I got a nano-to-micro SIM card adapter.

While I was waiting on the SIM card adapter, I had played around with the phone a little bit, trying to see if there was an easy way to import contacts. An online search turned up this post and video, but the phone I have doesn't have those options.  Digging into the Contacts, the only option is "Sync Android via Bluetooth".  I tried exporting the contacts via Bluetooth several different ways from an old LG Android phone I've got (running Lollipop, 5.1.1), and got mixed results, but still only have partial contacts.  I figured it'd be good enough, but the two people who've texted me so far and the one I needed to text today, I didn't have contacts for.  I had Leia in my phone, but only because I used her info to spot check the import (and I had to manually sync her contact explicitly).

In any case, lunch today really highlighted how dependent I am on my smart phone:

  • I forgot about my lunch appointment (that my phone would have reminded me of due to it's syncing with my Google Calendar)

  • I remembered half way out the door, and then checked my phone, seeing a text message from someone saying they were running late.  I assumed that was the friend I was supposed to be meeting, but didn't know 100% since the contact wasn't in my phone

  • I figured I'd grab a Car2Go or ReachNow since I was running behind, but then realized I didn't have my phone so I couldn't find or unlock a car.

  • I thought I'd grab a Biketown bike, but not seeing one and not having my phone, I went back upstairs to my office to check the website to find out where a bike was (you can unlock the bikes using a combination of a member number and a PIN)

  • I finally got the bike and rode across the bridge, and realized that I didn't remember exactly where Kalé was.  I fumbled through using the version of Opera on the phone and got an address and then got there.  Whole thing took me close to 20 minutes.

Other things I've thought of that I'll run into issues with are the various sites and logins that I've got two-factor authentication enabled, generating VPN keys, etc.  Other uses of my smart phone that I can't do well on the new phone are podcasts, step-counting, checking in on Swarm, and who knows what else.  I think the plan now is to keep carrying the iPhone, though it'll likely stay in my pocket for everything except podcasts and checking in on Swarm if there's wi-fi.

While the lack of notifications has been nice, this week is definitely going to be painful.
buzzed, B&W

Observations from a ska show

There's nothing like that pure joy that makes you grin from ear to ear when you hear one of your favorite bands play those first few chords, before busting into one of your teenage anthems.  I went and saw Less Than Jake tonight, and man, was that a fun show.

A few observations:

  1. Whoa, I can afford beer at shows now

  2. It's a bit surreal that the band is celebrating 25 years

  3. The audience is full of throwbacks that just make you reminisce - hoodies and teeshirts for Op Ivy, Skankin' Pickle, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Alkaline Trio, etc

  4. Circle pits are exhausting when you're pushing 40

  5. You've gotten old when the band is suggesting going across the street to Ground Kontrol (one of the members is celebrating their 33rd and they've talked them into staying open till 3) and all you're thinking is "I'll be sound asleep"

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Silence is acceptance

I've seen a few of my friends link to this raw and powerful post about racism experienced as an Asian-American, and not sure how to respond.

It reminds me of a time when I was at Northstar, heading to my car, and there's an Asian couple walking in front of me, and suddenly there's a few snowballs thrown at them and someone yelling out "Go back to your country" and some other racist slurs. I look over and it's some elementary age children, and I'm thinking to myself how sad it is that they've been raised this way and find myself wondering about what kind of behavior they must have seen modeled, but I don't say anything. A random snowboarder yells something to them . . . I don't remember exactly what he said, but he was chastising them.

Also reminds me of the time a guy said to me "A girl like you shouldn't be with a guy like him. Gook.".

In both cases, I took the path of least resistance, and didn't say anything, biting my tongue and moving on, thinking it's not worth forming a scene around. The blog post is a good wakeup call that silence is acceptance, that it's important to speak up, to shine light into the dark corners